The Curious Incident of the Missing Couch from the Furniture Store

The following account is a true story.  No names, dates, locations or times were changed to protect anyone's identity.

I.
About three months ago (May 7th, 2011, 11:26 a.m., to be overly precise), we ordered a sofa, chair and ottoman from our dear friends at Macy's Furniture.  At the time, we were told this couch was not available just yet at the warehouse, and it would probably be available to us by mid-June.  We asked if we could buy the floor models and were told they were not for sale at this particular time.  Bummer, but everyone knows that we travelers are extremely laid-back and easygoing by nature (as a rule, we continually ooze nonchalance from our every pore), so we decided this would not be a problem. (Also, we were going on vacation and would be in glorious Spain for two of those four weeks.)  Done deal.


II.
Upon our return from Spain, we received an email from Macy's stating that our delivery date would be pushed back to late June.  Damn!  We decided to resume our search for a replacement sofa, but didn't want to cancel the other until we found a new one.  Bought a new ottoman instead.  Canceled old ottoman.

III.
Received another email from Macy's in which the date was pushed back again, this time to July 2nd.  Found out the floor models were finally on sale!  Called Odette, our saleswoman (I use the term very loosely at this point, as she seemed to be doing everything she could to lose our business), to ask if we could buy the floor models.  No, she'd already sold the floor couch to someone else.  Thanks for the heads up, Odette.

IV. 
Received another email.  Date pushed back until July 9th.  Bought the aforementioned new chairs.  Called three times to cancel old chair.  Got no response.

V.
Received yet another email.  Date was pushed back to August 19th.  Apparently Macy's not only did not have the sofa in stock, but they had to first grow the cotton, pick it, spin it into thread, make the fabric, dye it, and ultimately assemble and ship the entire couch before we would receive it.  Called and canceled the couch.  Went shopping in a last-ditch effort to find a new couch that we could have immediately.  Got depressed.  Went in one last time to Crate and Barrel, where we stumbled upon their End of Season Floor Model Sale.  Found a new sofa, which is even cheaper (therefore better) than the other one!  It will be here on Sunday.  Finally caught a break.  Boom.

VI.  (I know this is getting tiresome.  Imagine how bad it was to live through it.)  Our old friend Odette called to ask if we were sure we wanted to cancel.  Yes, Odette.  Yes.  "Well, we've had your sofa in the warehouse for weeks now, and we were just waiting on the chair.  If you like, I can sell you the floor model chair, and get you the whole set ASAP!"  Wow.  That information would have been useful to me yesterday.  Or "weeks" ago when the couch got to the warehouse.  Thanks, woman.  You have easily secured your place in history as the worst salesperson of all time.  Needless to say, we stuck to our decision to cancel the order.

Moral of the story:  Don't buy furniture from Macy's.  Ever.  Even if it's on sale.  Even if it's "de best" deal.  Even if it is a piece of Martha Stewart finery which only Macy's carries!  Just say no.

Secondary moral:  Don't buy furniture at all.  Buy lawn chairs.  Preferably from a yard sale.

I miss my hotel.